The Emotional Side

Individual decision making:
We all have different decision making styles, but the construction process is not often structured to accommodate them. While "decisive types" are favored, it is often the synthesizers, who try to make all decisions fit into a consistent context, that get the best results.

• Recommendation: You will be making a lot of decisions (see decision list). This can be overwhelming, and can lead to hurried choices that you may regret later. An architect can simplify the process by narrowing down the field and presenting you with a few good options for each decision. This also keeps you from wasting your time considering products that would not be suitable for functional reasons.

  It's important to get guidance from your architect and contractor as to the scheduling of all decisions. Many clients aren't familiar with the long lead times required for fixtures, tile, wallcoverings, etc., and are disappointed to discover that what they really want would cause unacceptable delays in the project.

  A fixed-price contract forces you to make more decisions up-front, as these selections form the specifications that the contractor will bid on. Cost-plus contracts allow you to make decisions as you go, but this freedom often leads to delayed decision-making, which adds time and cost to the project. If you do a cost-plus job, you must be very disciplined about product selection.

Couple's communication and joint decision making:
This is the most difficult emotional piece, because it consists of each partner's personality style and how they mesh in regards to the issues itemized above.

I've worked on projects where the couple's communication broke down to the point of wanting to have separate design meetings, so they wouldn't have to make decisions together. This is, of course, an unworkable situation, but highlights the importance of creating a joint decision making structure beforehand.

• Recommendation: As hard as it can be to make design and product selection decisions individually, it's far more challenging to find the common ground with a spouse of partner. Many couples find the experience of making hundreds of design decisions together very stressful, in part because they're not sure of the process. Two of the more common (but less effective) methods of joint decision-making are:
  
  
  • "I'm in charge" - One person is appointed (or appoints themselves) as the primary decision-maker, the other person throws in their two cents once in a while. Often the woman takes the primary role, perhaps based on the old belief that women are expert in matters of the home, and the man is relegated to paying the bills. A variation of this allows the man limited design input in proscribed areas, usually "his study", or the media room.

    Although some men are content to limit their involvement to the choice of speakers and location of the gas grill, we find this minimized role is not best in the long run. From a process standpoint, the man feels left out, which can lead to negative feelings about the whole project (it's not easy to just sign checks and keep your mouth shut). When the project is finished, s/he may find himself unsatisfied with certain aspects and resentful that his ideas were not incorporated, even if he agreed to the process in the first place.

  • "Let's take turns" - While it seems fair on the surface, taking turns with design decisions usually indicates a failure to work together. It assumes that there is no common ground, so each person will get some things they like and some they don't. For example, "if you are going to pick that ugly faucet, then I get to pick the kitchen light". Besides leading to a design that is somewhat unsatisfactory to both parties, this method makes it difficult to get a unified and harmonious look throughout the project.

    A better method is "Common ground". Each person indicates what they like and why, then the parties work together to find design elements that they both like. This process requires patience and open-mindedness, but gets easier with practice. Communication is the key, as illustrated by this example:

(Good Process): Jill says, "I like the shape of this light, and the colors would go well with our couch". Mark replies "It is a nice shape, I wonder if they have it in black or satin brass. Also, I like that other shade with the bird design, the fish on this one look sickly".