The Emotional Side

Dealing with conflict: Is negotiating your idea of a good time, or would you rather avoid it? Do little things simmer until you explode? Would you rather give in than have an argument? We all have varying tolerances for conflict and styles for resolving it. Because conflicts are absolutely unavoidable in construction, knowing your style will help you choose a compatible construction process.

• Recommendation: Couples often successfully employ a good cop/bad cop strategy with the contractor, leaving the hardball negotiating to the spouse that can handle it. You can avoid a lot of conflict by hiring an architect to supervise construction. That way, all the contractor's bills will be reviewed first (and problems corrected) by the architect, before they get to you. If you trust the contractor, a cost-plus contract puts you on the same team, and eliminates quarrels over the intention of the contract documents.

  In any case, it's worth remembering that you want to resolve conflict in a way that preserves the relationship, if possible. If you're in the middle of the project, you will have to face the contractor every day until the end. More importantly, unresolved anger on the contractor's part may manifest itself in poor workmanship. On really tough issues, it can be worth bringing in a trusted third party to arbitrate (see architect's role).

  Most construction conflicts are the result of misunderstanding, rather than ill-will. This highlights the importance of having an ongoing communication structure in place- to prevent problems in the first place, and to provide a ready forum to resolve them.